you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
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She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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