I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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