did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize