Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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