Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Quick, to the slutcave!
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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