It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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