I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize