How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
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yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
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I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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