oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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