Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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