why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize