i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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