i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
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WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
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so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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