just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
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