if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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