come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
