I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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