It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize