judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize