sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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