if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize