I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize