HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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