areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
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he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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