It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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