i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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