Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
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I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
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Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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