He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
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How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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