Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize