She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize