last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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