DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
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I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
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He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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