so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize