Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
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Someone came in the potted fern
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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