booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize