my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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