Cold hands, warm shart.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
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i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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