Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize