so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize