you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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