Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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