I want to make a zoo with you.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize