from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
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once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
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Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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