I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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