omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize