we have pet lesbian snakes
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize