When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
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The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
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Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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