Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize