my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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