Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
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One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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