smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize