lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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